Home > Talk of East Texas > Archives > 2009 > June > 21 > Entry
Fathers reflect on lives of children who’ve died
For many families, a big part of celebrating Father’s Day is finding a gift or experience that dad will love. For local fathers like Harold Collins, who had a child who died, that gift is being able to help others share memories of their loved ones and reflect on what it means to be a parent.
“It isn’t just about being a ‘daddy,’ parents can be good friends to their children, too. My son and I did a lot together not just because he was my son, but because I really liked him,” Collins said about his son, Jason, who was killed in a motorcycle wreck in 2007. “I know he would tell me not to be sad or cry, but I miss him more today than the day he died.”
Collins was among a handful of parents who attended a Father’s Day dinner Thursday for families who have deceased children.
Sheila Rainer organized the event after putting together a similar event last month for Mother’s Day.
“Women will tend to get together and talk,” Rainer said, “but I wondered if men needed a place to do the same thing.”
Dinner was sponsored by Charles Rader of Rader Funeral Homes.
The evening began with a few songs by local singer Heather Cisco and a short program of readings and jokes. It settled into a discussion of how parents deal with the most tragic kind of loss.
“People in public don’t see that you’re sad inside because, as a man, you don’t appear that way,” said Elgin L. Lary, whose son, James Lee, was killed in car wreck. “But that doesn’t mean the sadness isn’t there.”
Lary and the other fathers in attendance all agreed on the importance of support groups or other forms of therapy in dealing with loss of a child, since they offered a safe place to talk and become emotional.
What does it mean to you to be a father?
Comments
By Kim
June 26, 2009 6:05 PM | Link to this
The Compassionate Friends group is there for those who have lost a child. Everyone in that group are in the “club” no one wants to be a part of. They’ve been in your shoes. I know that as more time passes after the Oct. 2007 death of my only child, Rob I will be able to reach out to others also.
By Elgin Lary
June 22, 2009 3:35 PM | Link to this
Brenda and all the other parents out there who are hurting for this tragic reason, we want to try to be there and help. We have other mothers in our group who child decided for what ever reason they could not go on. We at Compassionate friends do not have the answers or play book for successfully beating this grief. What we do have though is how we have survived and we UNDERSTAND, AND WANT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT YOUR CHILD. Please e-mail me if you need anything or would like to attend a meeting.
By brenda
June 21, 2009 6:10 PM | Link to this
I lost my son 5 days before his 23rd birthday .Life got to hard for him and he left us .There isnt a day a second that goes by I dont think of Eric.Why?will we ever know Why?Its been 19months sense he left us.Pray for my family.Please thank u