Three older ladies were discussing the trials of getting older One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, I'm sure glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood." She raps her knuckles on the table, then she says, "That must be the door, I'll get it."

*****

During elementary school one day, a teacher asked her students to write a sentence about a public servant.

A little boy got up and walked to the chalkboard and wrote, "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."

The teacher looked puzzled, and said, "Little boy, do you know what pregnant means?"

"Sure," he said with confidence. "It means carrying a child."

*****

Upon entering the little country store, the a women noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside she noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

She asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The woman couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

——

God: "Whew! I just created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth."

Angel: "What are you going to do now?"

God: "Call it a day."

——-

Once upon a time, a woman had a faithful cat. And one day, a guy ran over the cat with his horse drawn carriage. So, the man went to the old woman and said ...

"I'm terribly sorry about your cat. I'd like to replace him."

"That so nice of you!" said the old woman, deeply touched.

"So how good are you at catching mice?"