Energy suckers. Emotional vampires. Time stealers. Drama queens. You know who they are.
They're the people in your life who weigh you down with negativity. Maybe it's a long-distance relative whose number on your Caller ID makes you cringe, or a co-worker who you try to avoid because she can't seem to be happy with her job ... let alone allow anyone else to be.
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Kaye B. Ratzlaff, licensed professional counselor
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Joy Fox, licensed professional counselor
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These people can be a challenge to be around. Luckily, there are ways to remain your positive self in the face of negativity.
Time it
The most important thing you can do for yourself when faced with a negative person is to set healthy boundaries.
"If there's someone in your life who weighs you down with their constant gripes and complaints, you should really work on giving them less of your time," said Kaye B. Ratzlaff, a licensed professional counselor in Longview. "We teach others how to treat us, and if we allow them to steal our time and energy we are teaching them that that's OK. It's never OK."
Figure out just how long you can chat with this person before your attitude is negatively affected. You value your time ... others should, as well.
"If you're a fixer or a pleaser, chances are you feel obligated to these negative people to try to help them or comfort them," said Joy Fox, another licensed professional counselor in Longview. "Be careful with your time."
Acknowledge, don't argue
Once you've set your time limit, it's important to realize that sometimes all a grumpy girlfriend really needs is a willing ear. After you hear her concerns, acknowledge her feelings (even if you may not quite understand them) and ask how you can help or work to make the situation better.
"Negative people need some kind of validation, even if it's just, 'Oh, I'm sorry to hear that,' " Joy said. "Don't ever argue with them, though. People are going to believe what they want to believe. Pick your battles wisely."
Stay positive
There is always something positive to be said, even in the most negative situations. Find the silver lining for your down-in-the-dumps pal.
"They're not being productive, they're being destructive. There's so much negative self-talk going on, it's hard for them to see anything else," Kaye said.
Next time someone tries to heap their frustrations on you, smile and respond with a glass-half-full attitude.
"Ask the person to try an exercise with you," Joy said. "For each negative thought, replace it with two positive thoughts. You'd be surprised how much that really works."
These are just a few things to consider when dealing with the negative people in your life. Not every situation can be predicted, but here are a few scenarios that may help you to keep that negative energy removed from your positive self!
1. "Oh, it's good to hear from you Aunt Hazel. But I've only got about five minutes to chat because I'm just about to walk out the door."
This gives the person, in this case Aunt Hazel, a set amount of time to vent while still showing you care.
2. "I'd really like to help you, but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed."
This is an "I" statement. It's straight-forward and honest, and allows you to express yourself without attacking the other person's views and attitudes.
3. "Could you elaborate on that a little bit?"
Oftentimes, a negative person may blurt out a generalization such as, "Cats are evil" or "Men are so insensitive." Respond to these comments by asking for specifics — how are they evil or which ones are insensitive? Chances are she'll clam up and move on unless there's a real deep-seeded issue.
4. "Wow, you've had a tough day. Can you think of anything positive that happened?"
This shows that you acknowledge the bad day your friend had, but it also encourages her to replay it and come up with something not so down.
5. "Sounds like you have a lot going on. What are you doing about all that?"
By saying this, you convey to her that while you do care about her problems, you care more about helping her find solutions.
