There was a painter named Wayne who was interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned his paint to make it go a bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration on the outside of their biggest building.

Wayne put in a bid, priced it low, and got the job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying paint - which he thinned down with turpentine.

He was up on the scaffolding painting away one day when suddenly there was a huge clap of thunder, the sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Wayne clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones. Puddles of thinned and useless paint surrounded him.

Wayne was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried: "Oh God, forgive me! What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke ... "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

*****

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office and I'll swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but, being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home. "Did you catch many fish?"

"Yes!" he said. "Lots of salmon, some bluegill and a few swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to?"

The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box ..."

*****

Last night, My friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

My friend got up, unplugged the TV and threw out my wine. She's such a witch ...