A good friend once told Cheryl Horner that she is driven, determined and dedicated. Any person who knows Cheryl would agree.
Cheryl's accomplishments have been many, including raising a son, earning her BBA from LeTourneau University and becoming a successful businesswoman in Longview.
Her friend's observation came after one of her greatest accomplishments of all – overcoming domestic abuse.
The abuse
There were warning signs throughout her four years of marriage. Once a vibrant, outgoing woman, Cheryl became somewhat of a recluse, shying away from her friends and loved ones.
"Now I know that that's one of the first signs to look for when you think you may be in an abusive relationship," Cheryl said. "One day I looked up and all his friends were my friends, and I didn't have the girlfriends I once had."
During the years, things got worse. Her relationship with her husband was like a revolving door. Cheryl called it a Honeymoon Cycle.
"I would leave and come back, leave and come back, and each time I came back he promised this time things would be better," she said. "As a wife and a mother, I tried everything in my power to make things smooth. But it just got harder and harder."
Fixing it
During the marriage, Cheryl visited a counselor. She couldn't seem to understand what she was doing wrong in her marriage.
"I kept trying to fix myself. I didn't think I was in an abusive relationship because, like most women, I thought that abuse only happened to people on the other side of town, wherever that may be. It just wasn't in my home." But, finally, Cheryl's eyes were opened one night when she least expected it. She took her son and said she was leaving for good.
"The next time I spoke with my counselor I told him that I left my husband, and he told me to visit the Women's Center of East Texas. I was still in somewhat of a denial that I had been abused, but I went to make my counselor happy."
A memory that stands out in Cheryl's mind is sitting in the parking lot at the Women's Center reading pamphlets she had picked up.
"I sat in my car crying my eyes out as I read over the material," Cheryl said. "You know how you read those surveys that say 'Check as many boxes that apply to you'? Well, I checked about 14 of the 18 boxes. That was a real wake-up call."
Coping
After that realization, Cheryl joined a support group at the Women's Center. She attended meetings with women from similar circumstances.
"I listened to these women from all different races, religions and economic status, and I realized all of those women were me," she said. "And I could see myself in all these women."
After six or seven months of group meetings, Cheryl has learned to conquer her demons. Today she spends her time doing what she loves — spending time with her son.
"I love being a part of his life and going to his football games," she said. "I'm trying to be the best mom I can for him, and I'm teaching him to be a gentleman and respect girls."
Cheryl doesn't look back at her four years with her ex-husband and dwell on unhappy thoughts. Instead, she presses on, and chooses to be happy with her choices she's made.
"I've learned that when I'm faced with struggles, I shouldn't let the struggles win," she said. "I've learned to navigate through my obstacles. The past never goes away, but I've learned to pursue and press on. Bad memories of the past only make me stronger."
