Far be it from me to criticize the way the good Lord designed the human body. I can just imagine the way it might have turned out if I, or any mortal, had been in charge of things.
Heck, if we were responsible we would first form a committee and then nothing would happen because we couldn’t even agree who should be on the committee, who should be in charge of designing which parts, a list of the parts needed in the first place and how the whole monstrosity should work.
I just know I would have been asked to labor on the digestive tract, deal with mucus storage or be in charge of bile. So I shouldn’t even be bringing this up. I might somehow be commanded to see if I can do any better.
If I did get such an order, though, I know just what my first suggestion would be: Truly soundproof ear flaps.
You can get so-called noise-cancelling headphones now, of course, but they are mostly bulky and, what’s worse, they don’t cancel enough of the noise. I’ve never learned to sleep with headphones, but think how neat it would be to have ear flaps you are born with.
Hear something you don’t like? Your flaps would automatically cover your ears to shut out the sound, sort of the same way you close your eyes against a blinding light. It seems something of an oversight that we don’t have ear flaps while we sport eyelids.
Settle in for a nap and let the world go away. Now, there’s not any escaping the sound of the teenager next door playing K-Bop or whatever sort of music you hate the most. The world is always right there knock, knock, knocking on your ears.
Think of how wonderful it would be while watching football and not having to listen to the insipid announcers tell you Ezekiel Elliott ran for 10 yards when you just watched it all for yourself.
Far more importantly, during the silly season of politics you could avoid listening to the lies of candidates or the pundits beating the drum for their favorites. Listening to more than one hour of Anderson Cooper or Sean Hannity should qualify you for disability payments.
But, as with all things dreamed up in the human mind, there are a few problems in in going from the fantasy to reality. As much as we might wish it otherwise, there are things we need to hear even when that is the last thing we want.
Sorry, but we must be able to hear the cries of hurting or hungry children and we need to make their voices heard by even those who don’t want to acknowledge their existence. We need to make sure that no one can play dumb again.
Nor do we ever want to block out the sound of truth when it comes booming our way. Many years ago a guy told us we will know the truth and it will set us free.
That can’t happen if we’re always walking around with our ear flaps closed, blocking out everything we need to hear.
Which makes me wonder: Would it be a good idea if we got rid of these eyelids? It’s probably a good thing I’m not in charge.