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Latham: Don’t put all the blame on ancient aliens

I have a guilty pleasure — darn near an addiction, really — that I hesitate to admit both because of what you might think of me and because you might be snared, too.

Don’t think it couldn’t happen to you. I never expected to be swept away, yet here I am, with a space monkey on my back.

I watch the television show “Ancient Aliens.”

It airs on the History Channel, which is that network dedicated to programming shows about most everything except actual history.

You can watch people making swords, pawning their treasures, driving on ice and several other reality shows, but of history the channel has little. From what I remember, it once did feature shows about history but, as it turns out, people don’t want to watch that stuff. Facts can be SO boring.

I like to think of “Ancient Aliens” as sort of an “unreality” program. This is not to say some of what the show postulates might not be true, heck it all might be true. I don’t know and — this is important — the people producing the program don’t know, either. They merely present everything as factual.

You might wonder, then, why I watch so faithfully and wait for every new program with glee. It’s simple.

Watching this logical train wreck happen each week is fascinating. In the format of “Ancient Aliens” you have an example showing why so many of us are so easily duped into believing just about anything.

The program goes heavy on several prominent topics, pyramids being the single biggest target.

Producers don’t have a clue how the pyramids were built (neither does anyone else) but unlike the rest of us who don’t know, the “Ancient Aliens” crowd insists this is proof positive that they must have been built by visitors from other worlds.

Huh?

We have an alien construction company flying about the galaxy building stuff? And for what purpose?

“Ancient Aliens” people have several answers, all of which they say must be true. First, the pyramids were used as homing beacons so spacecraft could find their way back. That means the aliens fly ships so sophisticated they can travel vast regions of space but lack a better system of navigation than building huge pyramids. They really needed a better GPS.

Then the pyramids are obviously power plants. One “scientist” noted that he had measured the electrical voltage of regular ground at 0.8 volts. In the pyramids, though, it was an astonishing 1.2 volts. If you hooked a few pyramids together you could work a flashlight.

Stonehenge, too, was built by aliens, as well as various ancient buildings across the world. The proof is that these are done so well no ancient man would have built them, thus, it must have been aliens.

I could go on for a long time: Nazca lines, cave drawings that look like spacemen (if you have a really good imagination), religious stories that sound like something an extraterrestrial would do — and we can’t forget about Atlantis, which is only one of many cities submerged beneath the ocean.

Oh, and you might want to know that the moon was also made by ancient aliens and is actually hollow inside. Aliens are in there keeping “track” of us.

When ancient aliens read this column and come see me to verify their existence, I will probably acknowledge their existence, as long as their costumes don’t look too fake.

This is all good fun until people start deciding important matters based on the same kind of logic.

What causes autism? It must be vaccines.

Why do we have so many tornadoes this year? It’s the wrath of God.

Why does the house creak in the night? Ghosts, obviously.

Why do we have so many mass shootings at schools and work? People are bad, guns have nothing to do with it.

Why do people live in poverty? I have no such problem. They must be lazy.

Why are our children not learning? It must be the lack of prayer in schools.

This list is endless. Real problems that won’t be solved by fantasy answers, or by the Illuminati, the Master Masons or the Knights Templars. It’s fun to watch for a laugh but eventually you have to return to reality.

— Phil Latham is editor emeritus of the News-Journal. His column appears Wednesday. Email platham@news-journal.com .

Today's Bible verse

“If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.”

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